Turtle Mountain Extracts

Slow and steady wins the fictional extract

⚠️ This brand does not exist.

Premium extracts from Turtle Mountain's most fictional laboratory. Methodical, potent, and carrying the patient spirit of North Dakota's most distinctive region.

Concentrate

Products by Turtle Mountain Extracts

Turtle Mountain Distillate Cartridge

Turtle Mountain Distillate Cartridge

Concentrate / Distillate Cartridge

THC %

$45.00 / 1g

Patient distillate from Turtle Mountain's most methodical fictional extractio...

by Turtle Mountain Extracts

Turtle Mountain Ancient Rosin

Turtle Mountain Ancient Rosin

Concentrate / Rosin

THC %

$65.00 / 1g

Patient mountain rosin from Turtle Mountain's most methodically fictional lab...

by Turtle Mountain Extracts

Turtle Mountain Chem Dog Live Sugar

Turtle Mountain Chem Dog Live Sugar

Concentrate / Live Sugar

THC %

$60.00 / 1g

Chem Dog live sugar crystals from Turtle Mountain's most patient fictional ex...

by Turtle Mountain Extracts

Satire Ends Here

While the rest of this site is a joke, cannabis prohibition is not funny. Opiates and hard drugs are devastating communities. Cannabis is not the enemy. Here's how to take real action in North Dakota:

Advocacy Organizations

The nation's largest cannabis advocacy organization, working to reform marijuana laws since 1970.

Marijuana Policy Project National

The largest organization working to end marijuana prohibition in the US.

Contact Your US Senators

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For state legislators, visit openstates.org — enter your address to find your representatives.

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⚠️ SATIRE DISCLOSURE

This is a work of political satire. All store names, brand names, products, and events on this site are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real businesses is coincidental. No cannabis is sold here. This site exists to highlight the absurdity of prohibition and to connect people with real advocacy resources.

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